Willing and waiting

   This week has been a week of some great highs and not so fun lows. It’s been a whirlwind of emotions because my contract has ended and I have begun to say my goodbyes and wrap up my time here in Mexico. It’s a strange, new season for me because I am seeing the Lord close some doors from my life and experience here in Mexico, and at the same time open new doors for my future and life back in the States again for who knows how long. I’m beginning to “transition,” reflecting on all the mighty ways he has worked in my life just in the past 12 months, yet also still being fully present here and seeing how he continues to transform me and use me until the day I leave.

    This past week I have found myself reflecting on some pretty heavy questions and topics when it comes to ministry work and discipling others. I found myself hitting some major bumps in a couple of my ministries. Overall I’ve been frustrated at seeing people so close to knowing Christ personally or growing in spiritual development and then they just hit a wall and everything stops suddenly. I have been thinking so much about “How do I inspire someone to desire to spend time with Christ, to experience Him as intimately and beautifully as I get to? How do I share this amazing Lover that I have, who desperately wants to be a Lover to these girls as well? If I try to inspire them with my words and my actions, and nothing is changing, is there something in my life and heart that I need to examine and change?” And of course, this isn’t exactly how I imagined closing out my ministry work here. Well, in fact, “closing out” is such a weird term to use, because these are dear relationships that I have developed with some really special girls over the past 9 months and I can’t really say that I am “closing” them. At least not in the same manner that I can say that I am finishing, or “closing” my administrative work in my ministry with El Pozo.

    I have learned so much about ministry during my year here in Mexico. I’ve learned that “ministry” is more than just tasks done and relationships built, but about the life that I live out each day with Christ radiating from within me. I’ve learned how essential it is to be plugged in and soaking up His love for me in my personal relationship with him before going out to pour into others. I’ve learned that the people you least expect to get along with can be the people who in turn become your very best friends and whom you care for so deeply because you see how much the Lord actually cares for them. I’ve learned that effective ministry requires a strong, committed intentionality, and a selfless love that expects nothing in return. I’ve learned that when we truly surrender our lives over to Jesus, everything changes and God’s mighty power is released even more into this earth before our very eyes.

    While my heart grieves a little in knowing I will be leaving this all behind very soon, I am also filled with such joy and thanksgiving in remembering everything amazing and good that I have been gifted with these past 12 months. Actually, just last night I was telling a friend, “You know, I really have no reason to cry and be sad. I can’t think about losing anything because God has never withheld any good thing from me and I know he will continue to guide me moving on from this. Better to have a heart of thanksgiving and rejoicing.” And this has been my desire since I stepped foot back into Mexico on March 2^nd- to rejoice in everything and leave these beautiful people with the memory of my smile, laughter, and joy that the Lord has given me in being loved by Him. I nearly didn’t make it back here this semester, and many people questioned whether it would really be worth it to come back for only two months. But I have given thanks every day for the Lord allowing me to come back because He wasn’t done with me yet in what He wanted to do through my life in this place. These past ten weeks have been filled with double the memories and experiencing His goodness than my last semester here. And more importantly, I have seen just how sweetly and drastically the Lord has transformed my heart within these last ten weeks to really give even more of a testimony to His goodness and great love for each of us.

    A little more than a year ago, on March 8^th, 2013 I was officially accepted into the Avance Missions Immersion Program. I wrote in my blog a few days later:

    

“I don’t even know where to begin. So many thoughts and emotions. Excited but terrified. Expectant yet completely clueless. Hopeful and humbled that the Lord is allowing me to be a part of his global mission in this way.
    I think back to my life this time three years ago when I was a senior in high school and I am so amazed at how drastically the Lord has moved mountains and changed me. Never could I have imagined that I would be sitting here tonight ready to go where the Lord is sending me- to a place I honestly cannot imagine living in and would never have desired to go to in the first place. But yes, that is often where God calls us. It isn’t cliche, but continual evidence of God’s desire for us to deny ourselves and follow Him. How can you truly deny yourself when you decide to go to a place you already desire to go and would be completely content in regardless of God’s placing you there? The moving of the Holy Spirit should be the marker of our lives, not our own desires and decisions that follow suit.” 

    Here I am a year later and still amazed at God’s moving mountains in my heart. Like I said, I never would have desired to come to Mexico and I was not really eager in anticipating living here. But that was a year ago, and God is just so gracious in how he doesn’t let us keep our hearts of stone and he gives us hearts of flesh, beating and pumping His warm blood through our veins. I’m sitting here today, sad about leaving and praying the Lord allows me to come back to this place and these people that I have come to call family and home. I’m sitting here today, “officially certified” as a bilingual speaker, even though when I came here a year ago I couldn’t tell the difference between “mordida” and “gordita”. I’m sitting here today, still experiencing the Lord transforming me and challenging me in trusting Him in ways I have never had to before. I’m sitting here today, just in complete awe at God’s faithfulness to answer our prayers and draw us closer to Him when we are willing and waiting on His perfect timing.