Joy in the Sorrow

Originally posted on January 19, 2016 on my Instagram account:

"Therefore, what you actually have is that the joy of the Lord happens inside the sorrow. It doesn't come after the sorrow. It doesn't come after the uncontrollable weeping. The weeping drives you into the joy, it enhances the joy, and then the joy enables you to actually feel your grief without its sinking you. In other words, you are finally emotionally healthy."

-Timothy Keller

Friday we took some time to meditate and ask the Lord to give us each a word to define 2016 for us. The past few months, the Lord has been revealing to me how ugly of a heart attitude I've had in complaining and self-centeredness in my words and attitudes. So for a long while, the Holy Spirit has been softening my heart and creating a deep longing inside of me to change my attitude and practice the spiritual discipline of thanksgiving. A few months ago I never could have imagined just how important this heart change would be, but today I see even more how God goes before us preparing the way when it is so unseen.

The word the Lord confirmed to me Friday was "Joy", and almost every day now I often find myself repeating "The joy of the Lord is my strength."

Exactly one month ago today my longtime boyfriend suddenly broke up with me, and it has been a whirlwind of emotions and challenges ever since that I never could have imagined having to face. But at the same time, in the moments of deep pain and hard grief, I have experienced Joy and Hope and Grace like never before in my life. It may seem absurd that "Joy" would be the word that rings loud in my heart right now. But that is just how the Lord works: in the absurdity, in ways we can't imagine or even begin to understand. This Joy that I have found truly comes from the Lord. In thanksgiving, praise, and blind trust. My strength these days only comes from my joy in the Lord. And my joy grows deeper in the midst of grief and sorrow. And This. This is the abundant life. In joy, faith, trust, grief, sorrow, thanksgiving, and forgiveness. Tonight I choose to not let the pain and anger and sadness win, but to grab hold of that "abundant life" and rest peacefully in the freedom of "forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."