Prayers please!

Well... Found out today I have been fighting a staph infection for this past month and a half :/ The good news is it's apparently more common here in DF. The bad news (for me) is that I have to take a series of injections for a week :(  Asking for prayers that I will get better (especially my ears) so that I can be permitted to fly home for vacation on the 17th as planned! >>2 Corinthians 4:7-18<<
Pues ... Supe hoy que he estado luchando una infección por estafilococo en este último mes y media :/  La buena noticia es que es aparentemente más común aquí en el DF. La mala noticia (para mí) es que tengo que tomar una serie de inyecciones para una semana :( Pido por oraciones que pueda mejorarme (sobre todo mis oídos) para que yo pueda ser permitido para volar a casa por vacaciones en el 17 como estaba planeado! >>2 Corintios 4:7-18<<

Lessons learned in falling down

      Today I said something to my little sister, Renata, while we were ice-skating and it has stayed in my mind ever since I said it because I believe God is telling me this for my life right now and my experience here in Mexico. I said to her, "It isn't important if you fall down. What's important is that you get back up again after you fall." A little funny because I fell down two times this weekend in public: one time in the Metro with a ton of people around me and the other at church during worship. I was really embarrassed, but I had to get back up and continue smiling.
      I have so much in my life right now to give God thanks and continue smiling. At times, it's really difficult for me to avoid feeling proud of myself, and when I fall down my pride rises up inside of me for some moments. But I have to remember that I wasn't walking well by my own strength, that I wasn't seeing success in ministry by my own abilities, that I wasn't speaking Spanish well by my own intelligence. Only by the gracious love and power of the Holy Spirit that I have been able to experience these things. Like we sang this morning in worship, "If it wasn't for Your grace and for Your love." And those are all I need to lift myself back up and share my smile with everyone, even when I'm falling down.


       Hoy dije algo a mi hermanita, Renata, cuando estábamos patinando y ha quedado en mi mente desde lo dije porque creo que Dios me este diciéndolo para mi vida ahora y mi experiencia aquí en México. Le dije, "No importa si te caes. Lo que es importante es que te levantas después." Un poco chistoso porque me caí dos veces en publico este fin de semana: una vez en el Metro con un montón de gente alrededor de mi y la otra en la iglesia durante el culto.. Me dio mucha vergüenza, pero tuve que levantarme y seguir con una sonrisa.
       Tengo mucho en mi vida ahora para dar gracias a Dios y seguir sonriendo. A veces me cuesta mucho trabajo de evitar de sentir orgullosa de mi misma, y cuando me caigo mi orgullo se levanta dentro de mi por algunos momentos. Pero tengo que recordar que no estaba caminando bien por mi propia fuerza, que no estaba viendo el éxito en ministerio por mis propias habilidades, que no estaba hablando bien en español por mi propia inteligencia. Solo por el amor gracioso y el poder del Espíritu Santo que he podido experimentar estas cosas. Como cantamos esta mañana en el culto: <<Si no fuera por Tu gracia y por Tu amor.>> Y esos son solo que necesito para levantarme y compartir mi sonrisa con todo el mundo aun cuando me caigo.

Trusting amidst the pain

"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." - 2 Corinthians 4:17-18
There is so much that I can't see right now, that I can't understand, and that hurts so deeply. According to my emotions, these certainly could not be "light and momentary troubles". Yet according to my faith, every single tear and pain in my heart is undoubtedly worth the glory it will bring my Savior in the end. He died for me, so that I might continue to die to myself. But what life there is in obedience, honor, and trust!

"Pues los sufrimientos ligeros y efímeros que ahora padecemos producen una gloria eterna que vale muchísimo más que todo sufrimiento. Así que no nos fijamos en lo visible sino en lo invisible, ya que lo que se ve es pasajero, mientras que lo que no se ve es eterno." - 2 Corintios 4:17-18
Hay tantas cosas que no puedo ver ahora, que yo no puedo entender, y que duele profundamente. Según mis emociones, estos ciertamente no pueden ser "los sufrimientos ligeros y efímeros". Sin embargo, según mi fe, toda lágrima y dolor en mi corazón es indudablemente digno de la gloria que traerá mi Salvador en el final. Él murió por mí, para que yo pudiera seguir a morir a mí mismo. Pero, que vida existe en la obediencia, el honor y la confianza!

Like a fool, yet for His glory

   I've tried to figure out a way to start this update, erasing about 5 times everything I start to type, mainly because I've been trying to figure out a way to eloquently and politely express my thoughts right now. But the truth is, I will never be able to express adequately all that I am thinking and feeling right now. My heart is so heavy, my mind is racing to think of solutions, and my soul is in anguish for what I have witnessed today.
   Today I started ministry work with a local ministry that does a wide-range of things in human trafficking prevention and rehabilitation. One part is going to the National Migration Institute here in Mexico City, which is where people are detained who have been captured trying to enter/ have entered the US illegally. The idea of this particular part of the ministry is to spend some time with the women and children detained, offering activities such as art therapy to hear more about their stories and give them a way to momentarily detach from their current situation, and if possible identify potential victims of human trafficking.
    We entered the jail, went through security, signed in at multiple places in just maybe a 50 meter walk, and suddenly as we turned the corner, dozens of women waiting in lines to use the phones were standing before me. It suddenly hit me that this was no longer just pictures of women to post on a bulletin board to tell their story, this was no longer just a number in a statistic, this was no longer a "political belief" on immigration or a prejudice carried against people trying to enter the US illegally- these were real women standing before me who I was going to have to open my mouth, offer my smile, and use my ears to try to understand their unique life story. In the next few moments my mind began reeling to comprehend that my identity was not in my nation, but in the Kingdom that I first and foremost belong to. How was I going to be able to relate or hold a conversation with these women who had just been captured and kicked out of the very country I have legal citizenship? It would be impossible for me to mask my accent, in fact I don't even know what it sounds like to be honest, but I decided that regardless of when my nationality would come up in a conversation, I had to remain bent on sharing the love of God no matter what.
    The first few conversations were rough. I butchered my way through casual conversation in Spanish (my Spanish 1 teachers would be disappointed) and even as Cindy, the 20-year-old Honduran trying to get to her family in Tennessee, drew a beautiful flower and wrote "Dios es Grande" on her paper, I surrendered to my fears of inadequacy and failed to even try to start a discussion about the love of Christ. How prideful was I to think that in the one hour of her life that I would be a part of, my own reputation mattered more than starting a simple chat on who she believed God to be in her life?
    My last conversation was one I will never forget though. I sat down at the small, metal table with a little boy and girl who were coloring. "Hi, I'm Elizabeth. What's your name?" I began. Tatiana and Damien. "Where are y'all from?" El Salvador. "Do you have any siblings?" "Yes, he's my brother," cheerfully answered little Tatiana. "Oh, that's great! So are your mom or dad here with you?" She replied, "No, my grandparents are in El Salvador. And my Mama and Papa are in the United States. We're here with my uncle." "Oh," was all I could reply. In this moment I realized that these two sweet children were abandoned in this part of the detention facility, separated from their only family, having to take care of each other at the little ages that they were in an environment that no child should be familiar with. "Well, how old are y'all?" Immediately Tatiana exclaimed, "I'm 7. I just turned 7 the day before yesterday." My heart was undone. I wanted to cry right then and there, thinking about having my 7-year-old birthday spent in a prison with only my 9-year-old brother by my side and surrounded by 60 women who were complete strangers to me. I still can't understand this world we live in, in which something like this could happen to a child. My soul longs for justice and righteousness, yet I am overwhelmed in this peace that passes my mental understanding from this hope I have that rests in the most just and righteous of all men, Jesus.
    "Dios te amo" (God I love you) she wrote out inside a heart with wings she had drawn. "What's your favorite story of the Bible?" I asked. "The stories about God," she not surprisingly responded. (Many Catholics in Latin America can only express their thoughts about God and often lack any sort of personal knowledge about the Bible in general, such as Old Testament stories or the Parables of Jesus.) So I asked, "Have you ever heard the story about Daniel and the lions?" (I had no idea why this particular story came to mind at the moment. but I just went with what was coming out of my mouth) and she shook her head no. Thus I began the story of the brave Daniel who's God had saved him from the lion's den after being captured by the king for praying to his God. "Even when Daniel was all alone and surrounded by scary lions, he still prayed to God and wasn't afraid because he knew God was with him and loved him so much." Tatiana and Damien simply paused from their coloring, looked me in the eyes, and gave me the biggest smiles I had seen on their faces since I got there.
    I went into that prison that afternoon having no idea what to expect, as time went on I grew frustrated at my selfish flesh preventing me from sharing God's love, and as I walked out of that prison two hours later I couldn't believe that God had decided to use my weak self anyways in a way that I couldn't have anticipated walking in there. As I have been reflecting on my Metro and bus rides back to my apartment, I have come to realize that as much as I long to help rescue and advocate for victims of human trafficking, it's not about the numbers and the rescuing of their physical bodies in the end- it's about the lost and broken souls that I will cross paths with along this journey. It's about advocating for Jesus Christ first and foremost, and telling about this amazing Savior at every chance I have to those who are longing to be saved. It's about offering a small ray of light, in the form of the love of God, to those that are in maybe the darkest times of their lives. It's about surrendering to God's plan for my every moment, my each and every day, and my whole entire life, and truly trusting that His heart is in my favor with each and every thing that He asks me to do.
   It's easy as a missionary to get caught up in the daily activities, in the numbers and stories to report, and in the public expectation that you are someone special. It's easy to settle with "knowing" that God has called you here for a purpose, but not fully trusting that God's heart is for you and lacking in feeling His love and presence in your daily life. I confess these are all my sins as of late, and I could easily use culture shock as a wide-range excuse that most of you would accept. But the reality is I am just as much in need of my Savior as these lost women and children that I encountered today. In the eyes of God I am no different than any other man or woman of God. And at the end of this race I am not running to set myself ahead of anyone else but running as fast as I can into the arms of my Heavenly Lover. I am stumbling like a fool over these hurdles along the way, but God's grace is being revealed through my life in a way I've never experienced before and I can only hope that one person may be touched by God's hand in their witness of my failures.
    Thank you for your prayers. I mean it when I say that I have experienced their presence and answering in my life, especially in lifting me back up after I am down and feeling beat. We are all in this race together, and I need my team supporting me even when I think I can run off ahead by myself. Nothing I am doing here in Mexico is apart from the same work that God is doing in your life wherever you are. We are all working to bring His Kingdom to this earth and He is working to make each of us more into His image each day. I praise the Lord for allowing each of you to be on my team and for Him having chosen each of us before we were even born to be on His team.
    For His glory,

Elizabeth
    

Week 1 Updates and Prayer Requests

    Well, there is so much that I would love to say right now but I only have a few minutes before I need to head to bed. The past 9 days have been incredible being back in Mexico. So much has happened from my visit with my first host family, to meeting my team and going through orientation together, to anxiously waiting for a Mexican family to confirm they would host me for this year! I have gone through so many emotions, but more importantly the Lord is drawing me so much closer to Him through these last few days.
   Some important updates: I ended orientation not knowing if I had a family that would take me in for the year. My directors are housing me for now, and as of this morning I have a confirmed family but won't be moving in until next Saturday as they need time to prepare a room for me. I also found out my ministry placement for the year: I will be working at a safe house for victims of human and sex trafficking. I am so excited to be a part of this ministry in this city and use my degree in a hands-on manner! I will also be helping out at my church in whatever capacity they need. Right now I am being trained in how to lead an inductive bible study and most likely I will use this to begin to disciple one or two young women in our youth group as well.
   Please be in prayer for all of my teammates, two of whom weren't with us this summer and are getting acclimated to the city and this new life. The above picture is my team and here are the links to their blogs if you would like to be in specific prayer for them as well: Erik Hamilton Cole, Amanda Krzywicki, and my fellow Georgia peach Robin Byington. Already we are growing together as a team and I am extremely excited to serve alongside each of these beautiful souls this year!

"Act as if you did."

    “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?”  

And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment.  

And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.  

On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” 

-Matthew 22:36-40

    Nine months ago when I first began this journey of following the Lord's calling to Mexico, one of the biggest struggles that I had was trying to understand how I could love a people who I knew very little about, and honestly had grown up having very judgmental and hateful feelings toward. I grew up in a community and school where we had quite a large population of Mexicans, and through experiences and encounters that I had with a few "bad" Mexicans, I took a very selfish and hateful stance against learning to have patience and love these people that I was surrounded by. After high school, I went on to college not really even addressing those feelings and thoughts, and I honestly allowed it to influence my studies as well when I purposefully didn't want to learn about Mexican history in my Political Science classes. My concentration was in Latin American Countries, but I did everything I could to avoid having to think about Mexico. 
    But this is just a testimony of how much the Lord loves each of his children and desires for us to reflect him in this world by growing in his likeness. The Lord was not content with allowing me to stay in my sinful state of mind, and in a very loving and intimate way he has been challenging me and molding my heart to be like his over the past 9 months. 
   Before I left for Mexico this summer, I had no idea how I could pray for these people. I still felt so distant from these people I was coming to serve and live alongside. I tried looking at pictures, reading articles, and keep up with the news, but I still couldn't stir up those feelings of sympathy and compassion in prayer. However, at the end of this summer, when I was getting off the plane in Atlanta, I experienced something that made me realize how incredibly the Lord was moving mountains in my heart. There were some Mexican elderly people getting wheelchair assistance from some American airport workers, but the workers didn't speak any Spanish and the Mexicans didn't speak any English. I could see the rudeness and just lack of compassion the workers were showing to these elderly people, and my heart was flooded with all sorts of emotions. I went over to translate and to welcome these Mexicans to America with the hopes that they wouldn't be discouraged by such a harsh first impression. Afterwards, one of the girls that was in the Summer program with me and was flying with me came off the plane, and I just looked at her and started crying. I was angry for the lack of compassion I had just witnessed, ashamed that I had once been the same way, grateful to see the smile on the elderly people's faces and to be able to use my Spanish in a selfless way, grieved as I was missing my Mexican host family and friends, and just plane out-of-place as the start of reverse culture shock was starting to settle in. Thankfully my dear friend, Amanda, is very wise and loving, and she helped encourage me to let the tears come but then to find the light and hope in this situation. And in the end of this experience, I was able to focus on and dwell on giving God the glory in physically seeing a miracle he had worked in my life, in my heart, and in my thoughts. 
    And this morning as I was reading, I came across this quote that so eloquently and beautifully explains what I experienced this summer in regards to this:

"Though natural likings should normally be encouraged, it would be quite wrong to think that the way to become charitable [loving] is to sit trying to manufacture affectionate feelings... The rule for all of us is perfectly simple. Do not waste time bothering whether you "love" your neighbor; act as if you did. As soon as we do this we find one of the great secrets. When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him. If you injure someone you dislike, you will find yourself disliking him more. If you do him a good turn, you will find yourself disliking him less... [W]henever we do good to another self, just because it is a self, made (like us) by God, and desiring its own happiness as we desire ours, we shall have learned to love it a little more or, at least, to dislike it less... The worldly man treats certain people kindly because he "likes" them: The Christian, trying to treat everyone kindly, finds himself liking more and more people as he goes on- including people he could not even have imagined himself liking at the beginning."

-C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

Daily Prayer

    Recently I met with a mentor of mine and she encouraged me with an idea to ask of my support team and anyone reading this blog. Would you consider choosing one day of the week to commit to praying for me and this ministry? Let me know which day you choose, and I will be sure to keep you updated with specific prayer requests.
    I think this will be an incredible way for us to witness the Lord answering prayers before our eyes and across all geographical borders. And it would be a mighty encouragement for me when I am having a rough day and I can stop to remember that "so-and-so" is praying for me on that day.
    Prayerfully consider whether this is something the Lord is placing on your heart. Please email me at trustwithoutborders@gmail.com to let me know which day and I can let you know how to be specifically praying for this ministry right now. 

"The Lord is near to all who call on him,

to all who call on him in truth." 

- Psalm 145:18 

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." 

- Philippians 4:6

"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful." 

- Colossians 4:2

"Pray without ceasing" 

- 1 Thessalonians 5:17

"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

- James 5:16

Psalm 37- Delight yourself in the Lord

Reflecting on Psalm 37 tonight, which is bringing me some much needed peace. 

Trust in the Lord, and do good;
    dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.

 Delight yourself in the Lord,
    and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord;
    trust in him, and he will act.

He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,
    and your justice as the noonday.

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;
    fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way,
    over the man who carries out evil devices!
-Psalm 37:3-7 

Confía en el Señor y haz el bien;
    establécete en la tierra y manténte fiel.

Deléitate en el Señor,
    y él te concederá los deseos de tu corazón.

Encomienda al Señor tu camino;
    confía en él, y él actuará.

Hará que tu justicia resplandezca como el alba;
    tu justa causa, como el sol de mediodía.

Guarda silencio ante el Señor,
    y espera en él con paciencia;
no te irrites ante el éxito de otros,
    de los que maquinan planes malvados.

-Salmos 37:3-7

Bless the Lord, oh my soul!

Today started my last weekend here in Mexico City for the summer. I can't even believe those words as I type them. I got to spend the majority of the day with my oldest host brother, Leví, as we went to his university to get his schedule and finalize his enrollment. It was really fun for me to adventure out more into this city and see an area I hadn't seen before. We also spent a good amount of time talking about college in general and it got me thinking about a lot of things. Later tonight we also went on our last Visita (home visit) and as I was looking for some scripture to share, I came across Psalm 103 which just further emphasized what the Lord had been pressing on my heart.
If I have learned anything this summer it is this: to bless the Lord with all my soul at all times. There have been days (especially lately on crutches) when all I did was complain. There were days when all I wanted to do was sleep and rest and speak English. There were also days when I would cry in prayer at night because I was so overwhelmed by how badly the people of this city need the Lord in all the poverty, lost, brokenness, addictions, prostitution, idolizing, paganism, idleness, hurting and hopelessness here. There have been days when I just cried out to the Lord, "Where are you?!"
But tonight my heart is filled with joy. Because I am reminded of all the thousands of reasons I have to bless the Lord. With all my soul and all my being. I am reminded that as a cherished and treasured daughter of the King, I am completely provided for and left without wanting. His presence alone makes my soul rise in joy, singing praises to the heavens above. If I have nothing else in this world besides His saving grace, I have not a single reason to complain or withhold praise to the Lord. And I am not going to praise the Lord for blessing me more than my neighbor (not to say that I haven't been extremely humbled by this whole experience in a culture much more economically disadvantaged than what I have come from) but tonight I bless the Lord simply for who He is: kind, patient, merciful, caring, fierce, intentional, beautiful, joyful, constant, fearless, strong, wise, loving, endless, intimate, sweet, truthful, honorable, selfless, glorious, marvelous, zealous, protective, sovereign, generous, disciplining, gracious, sufficient, uplifting, comforting, quiet, faithful, and enough.

Bless the Lord, O my soul,
and all that is within me,
bless his holy name!
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits,
who forgives all your iniquity,
who heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit,
who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
who satisfies you with good
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
The Lord works righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed.
He made known his ways to Moses,
his acts to the people of Israel.
The Lord is merciful and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
He will not always chide,
nor will he keep his anger forever.
He does not deal with us according to our sins,
nor repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
As a father shows compassion to his children,
so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.
For he knows our frame;
he remembers that we are dust.
As for man, his days are like grass;
he flourishes like a flower of the field;
for the wind passes over it, and it is gone,
and its place knows it no more.
But the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him,
and his righteousness to children's children,
to those who keep his covenant and remember to do his commandments.
The Lord has established his throne in the heavens,
and his kingdom rules over all.
Bless the Lord, O you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his word, obeying the voice of his word!
Bless the Lord, all his hosts,
his ministers, who do his will!
Bless the Lord, all his works,
in all places of his dominion.
Bless the Lord, O my soul!

The Lord makes me lie down in green pastures

   In truth, I am being majorly humbled right now. The past few days on crutches and "bed-ridden" have been some of the hardest days for me so far. For many reasons. For one, the pain medicine knocks me out so I end up sleeping most of the day while my family works around the house helping out with chores and what not, which annoys me because I want to help so badly. I have to have people carry things for me, and at times I feel like it is a burden which makes me feel so guilty. I also can't even carry my own bottle of coke across the room which is frustrating. I really am so stubborn, so being told "no" is always a hard lesson for me. Physically I am so weak, as I am learning that using crutches is quite an exercise, especially living in a city like this. Spiritually I am realizing how weak I am too, as the temptation to rely on my own strength physically is great at times, leading me to forget how much I need to lean into and rely on the Lord. 
    Tonight Psalm 23 really spoke to me in a manner like I hadn't thought of before. My brother was asking me how I was doing and I was telling him how it is hard for me to be so weak and disabled right now and he started encouraging me to know that this time is for a purpose and I can use it to draw closer to God and grow in patience. Then later when I read through Psalm 23 I started thinking how usually I relate to this passage when I am wanting to rest and gladly in a time of rest, but I never really thought about how "the Lord makes me lie down in green pastures."
    I wouldn't say that I am in green pastures right now, but I realize that it isn't about the literal presence of nature during this time of rest but the heavenly provision that He gives to be renewed and strengthened again in His power and strength. Even though I am not necessarily enjoying this time of disability, I am praising the Lord that He didn't let me continue on in my own strength and that He does indeed make me lie down to rest because He is a God of rest, He is my hiding place, He is the fountain from which I will drink to be filled again to continue on in His labors. Yes, "my cup overflows." Thank you Lord for your promises that "goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life."

Prayer requests

I can hardly believe that I have been here for almost a month now. It doesn't seem like it has been that long. We have been really busy already with various activities with our Spanish classes, family and church and the next couple of weeks are just as packed. I ask that you pray for each of these upcoming events and that the Lord would be further glorified in each one.
-Today and tomorrow our entire team is going out into the countryside for a prayer retreat. I'm very excited and anxious to meet the Lord in a more quiet and tranquil environment than this city. And I'm excited to see more green and nature :)
-Thursday and Friday evenings our family goes on home visits to church members who are sick. I usually play a song or two, my roommate shares some scripture and an encouraging word, and our Papa, Mama and brothers pray over the person. Its amazing to be allowed to witness the Lord moving this way here.
-Friday is our graduation from our Spanish classes!
-Saturday our youth group from our church is taking around 25 people to a park about 2 hours away for an outreach and evangelism event. My brothers have invited two of their friends to come along who don't know the Lord personally so please be praying for these girls' hearts and that the Lord would already be working in them. Please also pray for the individuals that we will cross paths with at the park and that our youth group would be bold in sharing this glad news of the hope we have in Christ!
-Sunday I will be sharing my testimony at church. My family (2 brothers, sister, cousin, and roommate) and I will also be leading worship again this Sunday, which is quite different than in the States. Usually our set list is at least 9 songs and always open to whatever the congregation wants to sing as well. I am really being blessed and strengthened through this experience though :)
-Next week begins transforming the church for the Vacation Bible School. This year we have it open for free for the public so please be praying that lost children will wander in and this will be an opportunity to reach out to the neighborhood in which our church is located. Also please pray that everything would be provided from all the materials needed for decorating, to the money to pay for all of this. We have a small congregation, no more than 100 counting children and the economy is really bad here in Mexico so tithing has a different meaning here somewhat. People give what they can but we definitely are spending more time just praying for the Lord's provision for this VBS than I have ever seen in a church in the US. Very very humbling.  

A moment of confessions

     Today we had a team talk about culture shock, and I feel as though I must be honest with my prayer and support team and share a journal entry from last week that reflects one of the more difficult days I have had lately, mainly because of culture shock settling in. So here I share my honest thoughts, and you will see that I am not some mightily strong missionary woman but just a broken sinner in need of a Savior daily like everyone else. Let me not pretend to be someone I am not.

June 19, 2013
    What a day! Very, very tired right now so my thoughts may be scrambled. Today started with an absence of quiet time in His Word leading to a short temper and some moments of lacking grace with my roommate; thoughts of "I hate the Metro! Why do Mexicans put up/subject themselves to this torture of cramming into a car?"
   But most of all my mind lingered on this: "How much easier it is to say yes and believe yourself to be willing, and desiring, to go where the Lord will send you when you are surrounded by the comforts of a nice hotel room to return to and a jumbo screen projecting flashy images and lyrics, thinking about how it is just a place to go to, never really call home, because "home" will always be where rest is plentiful, communication is easy and instantaneous, and everyone else is waiting for you to return. How much easier it is to raise your hand, stand up, or sign a card in response. Yet it isn´t until you are being streched in that place do you begin to see the true desires and intentions of your heart. Right now I desire to have at least 6 inches of space around me. I desire to be sitting down on a bus that doesn´t stop randomly nor let more people on when it is already full. I desire to have one night of sleep where I can sleep through the night without being woken up by all the city sounds outside my window. I desire a soft pillow to rest my weary mind upon. I desire the comforts of culture I´m used to already.
    Oh Lord, I know your Word to be true, and your personality to be unchanging, so please teach me, try me, and help me to know you truly as my Great Comforter, that I may find full peace and rest in your arms. How much harder it is to say yes to you right now, in the midst of all that is breaking me down, but here I am Lord on my knees surrendering it all to you, and I say yes today, this day. I leave these at the foot of the cross, resting in the pool of your cleansing blood- Oh how my heart needs cleansing!"
    My mentor meeting with Jackie was blessed as well. I shared with her that patience is what I hope for the Lord to teach me the most about this summer- patience with my roommate, patience on the Metro, patience with my church, my family, and the people of Mexico, patience with myself and not getting frustrated, patience in waiting and trusting the Lord with the silence, the unknown, the uncertainty, and not dwelling on what He has in store for me in the future. The Lord certainly has a sense of humor because I was immediately given the opportunity to practice having patience with another competely packed, humid, and slow Metro ride home from that meeting.
     Grateful to have experienced my first street evangelism excursion here today. I´m not so sure how I feel about quick 5 minute Gospel presentations- I wonder if they are honoring and glorifying to the Lord and the depth of the message of the Gospel, as well as if they are really effective in Kingdom-building. I´m much more of a relationship-building, discipleship type of evangelism person. It was extremely challenging though, and I felt kind of like a failure because I couldn´t direct the conversations how I wanted them to go, mainly because I couldn´t come up with the words in Spanish. But it at least opened my eyes and my heart to what I should do in preparing my testimony to share and having spiritual conversations in Spanish. I desperately desire to be able to communicate this with the people here- I really don´t care about worrying in adjusting in any other aspect except for being able to share my faith and testimony. Praying for Mineal (16-year-old Tourism student who is a Catholic and doesn´t find it hard to be a Christian at all- I jokingly said to him, "Well I guess we have a Saint here now do we?" which probably wasn´t the best thing to joke about with him, but truly I was at a loss for how to steer that conversation into the saving grace of Christ, but again, I surrender him to the Lord now. It´s out of my hands) and Victor (20-something-year-old man who believes in many gods- Pagan- and felt rejected by God when He didn´t answer his prayers in a time of depression and unemployment). 

Don't perform, PRAISE.

I just finished about 3 hours of practice with my Mexican brothers for the prayer and worship service (Velada) tomorrow. I'm needing lots of prayer right now because tonight we decided to add 6 more songs, and all of them are Mexican worship songs that I had never heard before, and most of them had chords that I have never played yet in my short time having a guitar. Back at home I would always skip over bar chords or other chords that were too difficult to play, but today during our practice I knew I couldn't tailor songs to myself because it's not about me. I'm here to serve under the leadership of my Mexican brothers and sisters in Christ and learn from them. And boy, did I learn from them tonight. I learned new chords, new strum patterns, and new songs with new Spanish words I had never heard before. I do confess that there were many moments when I was getting caught up in the "performance" aspect of it in getting frustrated with myself for not being able to just move my fingers to the right strings or strum on beat, and I couldn't even get to adding the singing on to playing at the same time. I felt sad and fearful that I am letting my family down because I'm taking so long to get it down. But God is so sweet and at the end one of my brothers just kept saying over and over to me, "No te preocupes! Si se puede!" (Don't worry! You can do it!) I also took my eyes off my own fingers and looked up at my other brother who had been teaching me the whole time and I was so humbled by the gentleness and patience in his eyes. I then started to take a breath and remind myself that we are doing this not to show anyone anything but purely to worship the Lord. And I am showered in blessings with having incredibly musically talented brothers who will lead and patiently teach me, an encouraging sister and roommate who will be standing up there with me tomorrow night, and such a supportive Mama who took us to get pan dulce (sweet bread/pastries) after our hard practice. I'm certainly still nervous, but I am keeping my eyes fixed on Christ because it is to Him that I am singing and playing. No one else. Only him. And I know there is nothing I could ever do that would be fully satisfactory in adequate praise for what Christ has done for me, but even my smallest attempt is better than none and I dont need to get distracted by the technicalities but take this as an opportunity to be emptied of my inabilities and filled with His abilities.
Thank you for the continued prayers. :)
¡Dios te bendiga!

Though my tongue be tied

A short stanza of poetry on my honest thoughts tonight:

Though my tongue be tied
and my mind slow to understand,
because it is in Christ I abide
that I may offer my love and my hand.

His sweet gifts of love even on a rough day

Today was one of the hardest days for me so far, mainly because culture shock is starting to hit me and my body started to react to just the mental and physical changes. I am quite a stubborn person and while I am loving this experience and not emotionally stressed at all, having my body physically react to the stress made me really frustrated today. I also got really homesick at one point because I just wanted to be in my own bed and let me tell you, being sick in a country where the language is not your first language is no fun at all. My Mexican mama was trying to ask me what was wrong, what she could do to help me feel better, and as much as I wanted to communicate with her I couldn't because I dont know those words, and I was so sick with nausea that I didn't want to talk in general. But tonight when I came home from school, she had prepared a special meal of chicken and rice soup for me. She is truly the sweetest.
While this was a hard day for me, I am overwhelmed in the many blessings the Lord gave me today:
-Multiple times different people from my team prayed over me, and when I couldn't come to my Spanish class my professor had the class pray for me at the beginning.
-On the last two legs of my metro ride home I was able to find a seat and rest. (Normally it is an hour and a half ride with people packed in everywhere, really hot and stuffy, and standing for the whole time. Didn't realize how exhausting it would be.)
-Tonight I went to take a nap after dinner and when I woke up there was this sweet, gentle rain starting outside. The sound of the rain hitting the tin roofs, the wind rustling the trees, the rumble of the thunder in the distance and the fresh smell of rehydrated earth is one of the saving graces for me of God's beautiful creation in nature amidst this packed and dirty city. In these smallest ways God is showing me that He has not forgotten about my love of nature and that he will demonstrate his love for me throughout the day if only I open my eyes, ears, and heart to his hand at work in this city :)

Prayer requests

Last night we went to El Torre Latinoamericana, a tower that is taller than the Empire State Building, and did a prayer exercise where we were given a list of statistics and spent some time praying over the city as we looked down on it. It was incredibly humbling, and my heart was so burdened after realizing how great the need is here for the people of God to reach out and care for the poor, fatherless, and oppressed. I'm going to share just a few of the facts that we were given below, and I ask that you pray for these needs as well, but first I want to share a neat story that resulted from our trip up that tower. One of my team facilitators, Jeff (a 19 yr old Canadian, incredibly gifted in outreach and evangelism) got into a conversation with a young man who had been drinking at the tower, saw us and began to follow our large group because he was looking for a party and thought we were one :) Jeff started talking to him about why he felt the need to drink and party, and ultimately it led to at least an hour long conversation in which this young man just poured his heart out to Jeff. His sister died of lupus, and grief-stricken he didn't go to the funeral, which then led to his family abandoning him because of that action. He has been turning to alcohol, sex, and partying to try and get rid of his pain. Jeff shared the gospel with him and invited him to come to his church. Please be praying for this young man (I think his name was Javier) and that he will come to church tomorrow and get plugged into a community of Christ-followers who will be able to love on him through this desperately needed healing process.
Okay, so now the list:
-Mexico City is the world's most visted religious tourism destination, ahead of the Vatican and Lourdes in France, largely because of the Basílica de Guadalupe, which receives millions of pilgrims each year.
-There is a growing percentage of the educated population turning to atheism.
-Mexico City has almost 2 million underprivileged and street children. 240,000 of these are abandoned children.
-About 20% of the population lives below the poverty line, based on a food-definition of poverty. Asset-based poverty statistics estimate almost 50% of the population lives in poverty.
-The Mexican standard of living is way below the US or Europe. The minimum wage is 46 pesos per day, about $4 US dollars a day (that's less than half of the minimum wage per HOUR in the US!)
-It is estimated that 15% of the workforce in Mexico City are alcoholics.
-Water shortage is an ever-present reality in Mexico City.
-Heavy reliance on automobiles, added to the city being located in a valley, contributes to heavy pollution and poor air quality.
-International organizations fighting child sex tourism say Mexico is one of the leading hotspots of child sexual exploitation, along with Thailand, Cambodia, India, and Brazil.
-95% of Mexico City's 13,000 street children have already had at least one sexual encounter with an adult.
-The majority of girls and women inducted into prostitution wind up in Mexico City.     

Los días primeros en México

¡Hola todos! No puedo escribir mucho ahora pero quiero compartir con todo que estoy en México y ya estoy haciendo un tiempo grande!
Ok, in English now :) Hello everyone! I can't write alot right now but I want to share with everyone that I am in Mexico and having a great time already!
Just finsihed orientation. Tomorrow morning I move in with my host family and roommate. Please be in prayer for us as we transition into this total immersion into the culture. And Sunday I will experience my first Mexican church service. I am actually living with the Pastor of my church, and we have been warned to prepare a brief word to share in front of the congregation on Sunday because there is a high chance they might as us to share so please pray for the Spirit to give us the correct Spanish words! I will share more details about my bust family later when I know more details. And maybe I will have a photo!
I lost my camera before I left home so I won't be sharing as many photos as I originally intended but I will still try to do my best in keeping my supporters back home, and anyone else who might be reading this, up to date as much as I am able.
Muchas gracias por sus oraciones.
¡En el amor de Cristo!

Emphasis on Evangelism and Discipleship

Emphasis on Evangelism and Discipleship

"Evangelism is essential to missions. You will learn how to share Jesus Christ with Latin people and encourage them to be fully devoted followers of Him. You will have opportunities to share Christ personally, in cooperation with local believers, and relate new believers to the local church."

      If I am to be completely honest, this is perhaps what I am most nervous about: sharing my faith in a foreign language. I really don't know what to expect as far as the atmosphere of religion and the response to Gospel presentations or just talking about Christian faith in general. I have thoroughly enjoyed the various relationships that I have been blessed with over the past couple of years in which I got to share my testimony with not-yet-believers and have conversations about faith that they didn't necessarily have with others. And while it was difficult at times, this was all in English so I can only imagine the trials that will come in doing this in Spanish. If you could be praying for me in this, that the Lord would give me the words to say (preferably the Spanish words!) and the boldness to share His love wherever His Spirit guides me in Mexico.

     While I am nervous about this, the Lord has given me an unexplainable peace the past couple of weeks. I honestly expected to be a relatively emotional mess, with graduation and permanently leaving Syracuse and dealing with all the little details in getting ready to leave for Mexico. But surprisingly, I have not cried really at all ever since graduation weekend started. And while I have honestly been kind of apprehensive to fully embracing this peacefulness, the other day I found a notecard with one of my favorite verses on it that spoke directly into my current situation: 

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

-Philippians 4:4-9

     I so love it when the Lord interjects His sweet truth into our daily lives, like He did in this gentle reminder. I have been filled with such joy since the moment I fully embraced this peace and all I can do is thank the Lord for blessing me with this and bringing me so far in growing as a woman of the Lord. I can't wait to see what else he teaches me and strengthens me in over the next few months, and I know that as long as I hold on to the unwavering foundation of Christ's love for me, I will survive whatever trials and storms come my way.

Seeking God's Calling

Seeking God's calling

"Your understanding of Latin American culture and global missions will deepen as you receive cross-cultural training and mentoring. You will be challenged to broaden your ability to communicate your faith & better understand God's call upon your life."

    Over the past few months I have really learned the value of identifying your gifts, passions, and talents and asking the Lord to reveal to you, in His timing, these unique traits that he has given you to use in building His Kingdom. At first I thought I had to find out exactly where and to what God is calling me for my life, but I learned something quite different after reading through a great book called The Finishers by Roger Hershey and Jason Weimer (I recommend anyone who has a heart for missions to go and buy this book ASAP because there are some truths and insights that really transformed my thinking and drew me closer to the Lord in this book). One of the things that Roger Hershey said in the book that really transformed my thinking was, "Let me reiterate my definition of calling: my unique way of serving Christ in the world and in the Church by being who He has created me to be. It's not about a career or an occupation; it's not about what we do. It can be expressed many different ways, and we ought to do so while seeking first His Kingdom and righteousness, obeying His clearly stated commands. As Finishers, I encourage you to express your calling with a world-Christian mindset- living in such a way so that the nations can be blessed and the work of the gospel can be finished." 

    I am really looking forward to developing my understanding of God's call on my life, especially in the context of global missions. We received our information packets for the summer program in the mail a couple of weeks ago and I found out that I should prepare my testimony in Spanish and practice giving it. They also gave us a list of Bible verses in Spanish to memorize before we get there so we can start preparing to be equipped for evangelism in Mexico. I think I never really thought about it before they gave us these instructions, but some nervousness certainly hit me when I realized I would be sharing my faith in another language. I already get somewhat nervous sharing the gospel in English, so how much more challenging will this be in Spanish! But I am excited deep down because I know this will only strengthen me as a laborer for Christ and grow my relationship with the Lord as I learn how to trust Him even more when I experience the language and cultural barriers that must be overcome in addition to whatever other barriers in sharing the gospel with the lost and broken in Mexico City. 

     The following is one of my favorite passages of scripture as it has really guided me through my past couple of years at college, and I know this will continue to be a source of comfort and encouragement as I go into this next season in Mexico City: 

His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire. For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins. Therefore, brothers,be all the more diligent to confirm your calling and election, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall. For in this way there will be richly provided for you an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

-2 Peter 1:3-11

What's unique about Avance? - Culture Immersion

    For the next few posts, I will be reflecting on the seven unique aspects of the Avance program that LAM identifies on their website. I want to take the opportunity to give more details to you about the program and also share my hopes, fears, thoughts, and just vision in general for each of these aspects.  So, for the first:

Cultural Immersion

"Modeled after Jesus’ incarnational ministry, where He took on flesh and dwelt among us, Avance places you to live with a national family. You'll learn and minister directly in Spanish, study the host culture and interact daily with the people you intend to reach."

    This is probably the aspect that I am most excited and scared about. 
I am excited because I absolutely love experiencing other cultures in an authentic and genuine manner. I was very blessed growing up in having many opportunities to go on international mission trips to Honduras, Jamaica, Bahamas, and Canada (my freshman year of college), as well as participating in a global theatre festival in Edinburgh, Scotland. This passion for learning about foreign cultures ultimately led me to Syracuse University, where I was accepted into a unique freshman study abroad program in which I studied abroad for my first semester of college my freshman year.  Many people questioned why I would want to do something so drastically different for my first semester of college, and my response is still pretty much the same today as people question why I would want to graduate from college a year early- because I like adventure and if such a unique opportunity presents itself I am going to take it and trust in God and not this world's expectations. I love to travel and see new places, taste new foods, meet new people, and just grow in my understanding of truly how diverse this world is. 
     While this wasn't necessarily true of my mindset when I went to Florence (because of my lack of a regenerate heart at that point in my life), today I am so deeply passionate about living with and ministering with other cultures than my native culture because my eyes are opened to an even more beautiful revelation of who God is and how the body of Christ globally makes up His beloved bride and works corporately to advance His Kingdom in all the earth. I am deeply impacted and transformed by the experiences I have in worship, prayer, fellowship, and outreach with people who are from a different culture, and in ways that I would never encounter if I were to remain in my comfort zone.
     But the whole topic of my comfort zone leads me into why I am also very nervous about this aspect of culture immersion. I do speak Spanish but really only conversationally, and I haven't been practicing the language for a few months now so I am very slow to process when listening and responding. The whole language barrier doesn't intimidate me in terms of living with my host family and having every-day conversations. I am most nervous about what it will be like to share the gospel, work in ministry, and share my testimony in this second-language for me. I already get nervous trying to effectively communicate the gospel or my testimony in English, and I have no idea what to expect of my ability to do the same in Spanish. 
     This is also why I love the way this program is structured in that during the summer portion, the primary focus is on learning the Mexican culture, language, and just adjusting to life in Mexico City. As much as I would love to just jump right in and prove to people that I can do anything I set my mind to, this program and this next season of my life is not about "building my resume" or making much of myself anymore. I know the Lord has placed this desire for international missions upon my heart, and I have fully surrendered everything I am and have to His will for my life. I have learned that my decisions have lasting impacts beyond what I can see in my temporary circumstances, therefore I must be the best steward to the gifts which God has entrusted to me for the work of His Kingdom. I know this foundation-laying time in this program will be extremely beneficial for my potential spiritual growth throughout the program and also just the fruitfulness of my growing in ability to labor for the Lord's Kingdom in a foreign place. Although I will be in a completely unfamiliar place going through experiences unbeknownst to me right now, I have found increasing peace in the assurance of God's faithfulness to His promises:
  

   In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession —to the praise of his glory. 

   For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all God’s people, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.

- Ephesians 1:11-23 

An open door that no one can shut

Originally from my other personal blog: The Lord is faithful

Posted on March 8, 2013

See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut 

    Today I found out that I have been officially accepted into the Avance program with Latin America Mission. This is a 14 month missions immersion program in Mexico City where I will live with a host family, work in a local NGO in ministry under the leadership of the local people, and grow with the body of Christ in the Latin Church, while also learning about cross-cultural ministry and how to be the best steward of the gifts God has given me in serving Him through long-term missions.

    I don’t even know where to begin. So many thoughts and emotions. Excited but terrified. Expectant yet completely clueless. Hopeful and humbled that the Lord is allowing me to be a part of his global mission in this way.

    I think back to my life this time three years ago when I was a senior in high school and I am so amazed at how drastically the Lord has moved mountains and changed me. Never could I have imagined that I would be sitting here tonight ready to go where the Lord is sending me- to a place I honestly cannot imagine living in and would never have desired to go to in the first place. But yes, that is often where God calls us. It isn’t cliche, but continual evidence of God’s desire for us to deny ourselves and follow Him. How can you truly deny yourself when you decide to go to a place you already desire to go and would be completely content in regardless of God’s placing you there? The moving of the Holy Spirit should be the marker of our lives, not our own desires and decisions that follow suit. 

“To the angel of the church in Philadelphia write:
 These are the words of him who is holy and true, who holds the key of David. What he opens no one can shut, and what he shuts no one can open. I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name.” 

- Revelation 3:7-8